Bellingham’s Bicycle Kick Brings England Back From the Dead

It seemed all was lost for England as stoppage time set in in Gelsenkirchen, Germany. Underdogs Slovakia had held on to their one-goal lead provided by Ivan Schranz for over an hour. The pitch was littered with underperformers in white shirts and national heroes in blue. The Three Lions had failed to create enough meaningful chances to see themselves into the Quarterfinals of the 2024 Euro until a Kyle Walker throw-in was flicked on toward the six-yard box by Marc Guehi and buried into the back of Martin Dubravka’s net by 21-year-old Jude Bellingham via bicycle kick. What looked like one of the most disastrous nights in English football history turned out to be one of the most memorable, as Harry Kane headed home the winner in stoppage time when Slovakian spirits were broken. It was beyond ugly, but England’s 2-1 marathon win over Slovakia was enough. 

Truthfully, Bellingham played perhaps his worst game of the tournament so far. He was caught on the ball too many times. He wasn’t contributing enough in possession. Kane, as has been the case for most of the 2024 Euro, was invisible for most of the game, getting very little service. In the end, they showed why they are truly great players. Even on bad days when they can’t seem to get anything going, Bellingham and Kane dug deep and found something. They are very different players, Kane and Bellingham, but they seem to be the two players in the England squad with the most belief. In a team full of wishy-washy players, they exhibit positive body language all game long. This comes from Kane because he is the captain of the team, and it comes from Bellingham because he is a natural leader already experienced in the biggest games a footballer can play. I would throw Declan Rice in that category as well, as he may have been England’s best player on the day. 

This insane result shouldn’t take away from what would have been the main points of this article had England lost. The left side of the pitch is still an absolute mess. It boggles my mind that Gareth Southgate keeps trotting out Phil Foden as the left-winger and Kieran Trippier as the left-back. I keep visualizing how much more free-flowing England’s attacks would be with Marcus Rashford cutting inside from the left and Luke Shaw overlapping him. At least give us Anthony Gordon cutting inside with anyone other than Trippier overlapping. By annexing a middle-of-the-park player in Foden on the left and a right-footed player in Trippier at left-back, Southgate has eliminated attacks from the left side of the pitch. It needs to change. 

Kyle Walker played perhaps the worst game I have ever seen him play, and I have watched a lot of Kyle Walker in my life. He was so poor in possession, I could hear the phones dialing thousands of miles away so that Manchester City could sell him and Pep Guardiola wouldn’t have to coach him next season. That’s a joke, but you get what I mean. Shocking giveaways, no attacking threat, and egregiously holding Schranz onside by five yards on his goal. I have been a Kyle Walker fan for a long time because he is a brilliant athlete and defender, but I strongly endorse playing Trent Alexander-Arnold against Switzerland. It would really help England’s attacks as well, as Alexander-Arnold offers exceptional crossing ability and he can’t be any worse defensively than Walker was against Slovakia. 

I do not understand the substitution of Kobbie Mainoo. He, along with Rice, was England’s best player today. Mainoo seemed to be the only one forcing the issue, taking players on, and creating chances. It’s hard to believe he’s only 19 years old. I would have much preferred it if Southgate pulled Foden off the field at halftime. There was good reason to substitute Bellingham too, if we are being completely candid. Hindsight is 20-20, I suppose. 

On the subject of substitutes, here’s how I would rate Southgate’s calvary who made a meaningful impact: Cole Palmer - fine, Ivan Toney - good, Eberichi Eze - good. Those ratings would tell you that Southgate managed the game very well. The problem is, that Southgate dug himself a hole to begin with. Really, he dug himself a grave, because there was simply no way he could keep his job/dignity had Slovakia pulled this off. The obsession with Cole Palmer frustrates me, and it probably stresses Southgate out like crazy. The rivalry between Chelsea and Arsenal fans has spilled over into England with this Saka-Palmer debate. Here is what I think: Southgate should keep playing Saka because he’s a better right winger. Not so difficult, right? Palmer needs to play closer to the goal. He can’t take on players and create from the wing like Saka can, but he’s much better in the middle of the park. If you want him as the 10 in this team, that’s fine, but he’s behind Bellingham and possibly Foden in the queue. If you want an actual winger, keep playing Saka on the right. 

Slovakia should hold their heads high. They were the better team, executing their game plan better than England and generally outworking them for all of regular time. However, especially against world-class players, one lapse in concentration can punish you. It’s an extremely harsh result, and a win would’ve been the biggest moment in their footballing history. Cruel game. 

England will move on to face Switzerland, who defeated Italy with ease in the Round of 16. Without Guehi, due to yellow card accumulation, there is a decision to be made at center back. I would go with Ezri Konsa or Joe Gomez. I think TAA has to start, like I said before. He offers an attacking threat and, unless England plays Kylian Mbappe and France, Kyle Walker needs to sit. As for the disastrous left side, I would swap Foden for Gordon and pray Luke Shaw is fit. If he isn’t, I would rather see Gomez at left-back than Trippier. Maybe that’s harsh, but it’s been a tough watch. If Southgate wants to move Foden to the 10, I support it, but that means you have to play Bellingham on the left, which isn’t a bad option. At least Bellingham will take a defender on. My point is, there is no way Foden should be out of the side before Bellingham. Finally, play Mainoo all game every game, the kid is special. 

This England team is exhausting, but I love inspecting their roster the way I do. They have so much talent and should be able to beat teams in so many ways. And yet, both fascinatingly and tragically, they make life difficult for themselves. “They” being both the players and the manager. I am looking forward to riding the roller coaster for at least another match. I don’t love England’s chances against a free-flowing Switzerland side, but I will watch.